SCK Blog

My daughters list of the 47 Best or Worst Dad Jokes

Posted by: Rowan Shead G+ | Monday, September 04, 2017


47 Best or Worst Dad Jokes

While I was out & about on Sunday, I couldn't help notice that most of the restaurants around Ryde, Manly & Dee Why were busy.

Just to be clear, I did not go and check them all out.

But parking was a problem and those I walked past looked packed.

And why wouldn't they be busy?

It was a glorious spring day, and if that's not a good enough reason, it was also Father's Day.

As they say, “you need to make hay while the sun shines.”

I hope all the fathers felt spoilt

I don't think we could really celebrate Father's Day without Dad Jokes.

You know you're getting older when your children being spellbound by your jokes and actullay laughing is a thing of the past!

Now my Teenage daughters just say, “Dad, that’s not even funny.”

“Why do you bother trying to be funny? Your jokes are just lame.”

So I think it's only fair that since it was Father's Day yesterday, we should just remind our children of some of our Pearls of Wisdom. And maybe just teach them a thing or two about funny jokes.

As I started writing this article, one of my daughters looking over my shoulder just started cracking up.

Then she started rattling off all the dud dad jokes that she & her friends snicker at behind their their desperate-to-be-funny dads.

Why give us a Father's Day if you're not prepared to humour us by laughing with us, rather than at us, for our dodgy jokes which might have been funny last millennium?

You can't really call yourself a real dad until you've gone through the rite of passage of telling dad jokes.

So according to my daughters, this how you tell if it qualifies as a Dad Joke

  • Lame or just pathetic...
  • So cheesy it oozes...
  • Pun-riddled...
  • My daughter's response is an annoyed “Daaaaad.”...
  • It's time to put or shut up.

    So this is my daughters list of the 47 best or worst dad jokes

    Dud Dad Jokes

    Image source - 2014 Fathers Day - https://flic.kr/p/oFywbZ

    So be prepared to have a chuckle or just shake your head & cringe.

    1. Dads are known for their skills as an outside chef, when they often serve a burnt sacrifice...
    2. I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there...
    3. RIP boiled water. You will be mist...
    4. Do you know the name of the only green musician? Elvis Parsley...
    5. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere...
    6. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged...
    7. What’s blue & smells like Red Paint? Blue paint...
    8. When you're driving past a cemetery and dad pipes up with: I bet everyone is dying to get in there. Or the Dead centre of Town. (This a family favourite everytime we drive past Cemetery on Delhi Road)...
    9. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y...
    10. Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut...
    11. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!...
    12. What do you call a can of soup that eats other cans of soup? A CANnibal...
    13. Dad: What do you want for dinner? Kid: I feel like a pizza. Dad: Well, you don't look like one!...
    14. I asked my dad for his best joke and he said “You”...
    15. What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing...
    16. If I had a dollar for every book I've ever read, I'd say: Wow, that's coincidental...
    17. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Sorry we don't serve food here”...
    18. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta...
    19. Dad I'm hungry...“Hi hungry” I'm dad...
    20. Did I tell you the one about the elepahant Trunks? It's pretty long one...
    21. Broken Guiatar for sale. No strings attached...
    22. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine...
    23. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run...
    24. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted...
    25. I met my wife on the net; we were both bad trapeze artists...
    26. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It's a little fishy...
    27. We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, “Any condiments?” My dad responded, “Compliments? You look very nice today!”...
    28. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese....
    29. On all of my medical forms growing up my dad wrote “red” for my blood type. To this day no one knows my actual blood type...
    30. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them....
    31. Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire....
    32. If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down!...
    33. I thought I tell you a good time travel joke, but you didn't like it...
    34. I tell you one about the vacuum cleaner, but it sucks...
    35. What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na...
    36. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions...
    37. Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market...
    38. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already...
    39. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant...
    40. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container? It said concentrate!...
    41. Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They're going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.'”...
    42. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it...
    43. Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!...
    44. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up
    45. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it...
    46. What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!...
    47. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef...

    I hope you managed to crack a smile at some of these dad jokes.

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